He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
