i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
