remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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