this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?