it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination