also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back