how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji