I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.