you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
