how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just threw up on my dentist
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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