1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
