Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize