Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
