It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
