i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
