I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
