bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Four minutes until I can fart!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
