i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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