we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
