I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
