I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
