the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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