Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
