I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
