i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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