there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
