he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
