I wish my penis had an off switch
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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