Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
