We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
