Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
