He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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