She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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