i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
