I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
