GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
