I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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