Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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