Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize