he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
