So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
