Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
