Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
