Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
