I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
