This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
