he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
do nipples grow back?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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