Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think your dad took our porno
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
