Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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