Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
