Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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