Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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