My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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