she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
