Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
