I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
