we're chasing vodka with high fives
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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