End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
