He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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