No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize