Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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