and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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