These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
