Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
