sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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