is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize