He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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