I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
