heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
